NORWAY!

Forming one centrepiece of our holiday, I had high hopes set for Norway, and I was not disappointed. A total of two weeks would be spent there, with a few nights planned at each destination.

Agreed to be the 'most expensive country in Europe', it is also has the northern-most tip of any European country (extending up above the Arctic Circle). A land of fjords, tall blonde women, Trolls, Reindeer and Fish Cakes, Norway truly was a memorable experience.

Although the price of a beer and smokes is enough to reform alcoholics and cigarette smokers cold (I'm talking AU$40 for a six-pack of standard beer), it isn't actually too difficult to avoid financial pain. A few simple rules helped us out:

1. It is law that you are allowed to camp anywhere in Norway (except for someone's front lawn) for free
2. Fish (and their associated food products) are a staple food and inexpensive in supermarkets, and are even free if you catch them yourself
3. The Norwegian Kroner makes things seem more expensive than they really are. For example, paying 700kr for a tank of diesel is not so bad as, say, giving a kidney. It is only the equivalent of AU$140

The reason the prices of Norway were so much more palatable than those in Switzerland was that it was not accompanied by a swarm of tourists like flies around a lame sheep. With only 5.5 million people, Norway is Europe's least populated country per sq km, so there's heaps of room for a blue Peugeot and a pair of enterprising Australians. Additionally, the Norwegians are quite entertaining people, sounding eerily like the Chef from the Muppets (who I thought to be Swedish, but could well be Norsk).

We kicked off by attending the Hove Festival at Arendal, a 4-day music festival of which we only attended the first and last days. On the 'in-between' days we ventured to a tiny village called 'Tuddal', at the bottom of the highest mountain in the Telemark region of Norway (home of cross-country skiing).

After returning for the final day of the festival, we drove to the Stavanger region, home to 'Priekestolen'. Surviving this, we used the Priekestolen area as a base for a visit to the 'hanging rock' - Kjeragbolten.

From here, we worked our way to Kinsarvik, a small town nestled between the end of a Fjord and four massive waterfalls. Next was Bergen - a large town on the west coast of Norway, then over to the mountain and fjord-laden region of Songfjord. A trip via the alpine-centric Jundheim national park for a couple of nights 'car camping' saw us ready to take on all Sweden could offer.

We did cover quite a few kilometres on our adventure around Norway, and this leads me to one of my few downsides of Norway. The roads, and the drivers. Their speed limits on all roads except for motorways (and trust me, the term 'motorway' is used liberally, and in Norway stretches to any road with a divider in the middle) is a mind-blowing 70-90km/h. And people adhere to it.

There is nothing more frustrating than a 270km journey ahead of you and you hitting your top speed of 90km/h for only a fleeting moment before slowing to a lazy 40km/h behind some freak driving a Skoda. Roads are where Norwegians turn from being entertaining and light people to boring, annoying and just plain rude. They will NOT pull over to let you overtake, and where the gesture of pulling over and stopping to let oncoming traffic past you in a narrow tunnel would get you a knowing nod and a wave in Australia, you are simply met with a blank, dumb stare.

Socially, the Norwegians are interesting. Having such high levels of Government control over society has led to a kind of blind rule-following. If the government said 'at this point, get out of your car and do 5.6 starjumps, all the while singing 'Mary had a Little Lamb'', I seriously believe they would do it.

Key activities on the trip:

• Hove Music Festival
• Climbing Mt Gaustotoppen, the highest mountain in the Telemark region of Norway.
• Fjord fishing at several locales around the country.
• Visiting multiple glaciers (the Buer, the Bergsbreen and the Nigardsbreen) and waterfalls (including the Folgefossen falls).
• Climbing to the Priekestolen ('Pulpit Rock') a rocky pulpit hovering over a sheer 600m drop into a Fjord.
• Climbing to Kjeragbolten - a boulder wedged inexplicably between two sides of sheer rock, with a lazy 1km drop to the Fjord below. Certain death I considered while edging my way onto said rock for photo opportunity.
• Visiting Bergen, a historic and beautiful harbour town.
• A quick tour of the oldest wooden church in the world (1178 AD) with pieces of earlier churches (10th Century) also used in the construction.
• Walking the most popular walk in Norway - Besseggen - a ridge with spectacular views of different coloured lakes on each side.

Highlights…

• At Hove Festival; being second row at Muse (before Nicola's shin got impaled by the wheelchair of a strange wheelchair-bound biker and his excitable 'mole'), first row at Vampire Weekend and Arcade Fire, and having the opportunity to give a man hug and a pat on the head to the lead singer of the Arcade Fire as he walked through the crowd.
• Catching 'Marty the miniature Mackerel' (Nicola) and 'Stephen the six-kilo Saithe' (Nick) in Fjords and hence feeding ourselves
• Picking wild strawberries and cherries to also avoid expensive supermarket fruit and vegetable prices.
• The spectacular but nerve-racking views from Priekestolen and Kjeragbolten
• Sleeping in the 'Blue Bolt' to avoid paying ridiculous camping costs for a wet and sodden piece of earth a dog may have pooed on.
• The sheer amounts of water cascading from every rock surface in sight.
• Using camping wi-fi to access Richmond's various football victories.

Lowlights…

• A disastrous fishing session for yours truly, which involved 40 minutes of fruitless fishing before handing the rod over to Nicola, who caught Marty the Mackerel within 2 short casts while I endeavoured to do some research on my iPhone. This fishing futility on my behalf was topped with 2 lost lures.
• Saying a sad 'goodbye' to some treasured travel companions of mine:

1. My €14.99 special rod and reel, after the aforementioned fishing trip, which fell prey to a pair of pliers being used to 'fix' its' stuck telescopic properties. Dark days indeed.
2. My green quite-new shorts, which started tearing on the ascent of Gaustotoppen with one right leg reach too great on a rocky outcrop. The tear eventually extended from my inner crutch all along essentially every seam in my shorts, leaving half of my jocks showing while the left leg of the shorts held on with grim determination. I was like some 'downstairs' version of Michael Jackson. This was remedied shortly after by Nicola's kind offer of her very own unused tracksuit pants, which left me with a look akin to a Cathy Freeman body suit. She is only little.
3. A large enough proportion of my shin skin, hair and flesh on what was thought to be a steady snow-covered patch of path which gave way. It was steady enough for Nicola to walk on the exact same patch, but clearly not for me. The pain I felt was the type you get which leaves you unable to speak. No swear words would even come. Just pure, stunned silence.

• The great 'fish sauce' kerfuffle of early July, which saw what was meant to be a sealed bottle of fish sauce defy assumptions by leaking onto the mattress that was to become our car-bed. No amount of 'something's fishy about this' jokes would pacify Nicola. On an unseasonably warm summer day in Norway, the issue came to a head when we realised that we hadn't properly dried the mattress from its initial washing attempt. Combined with our hiking shoes, the effect was quite overpowering in an un-aired vehicle. This incident caused some serious downtime in a Lillehammer unit, involving washing the mattress in a shower, then engaging in a battle with time to get it dry enough to put it back in the car. This went down to the wire, and I'm glad and more than a little relieved to say the worst of it is now over.
• Not seeing a Reindeer

In summary...

Norway is vast, varied and beautiful, with natural surroundings ranging from beaches, snow-covered mountain peaks (even in mid-Summer), fjords, glaciers and towering waterfalls. In a way, avoiding the disgustingly high prices provided us with a kind of 'game of skill', a ropes course which we feel we navigated quite well.

I would liken it to…

A tie between Delta Goodrem (looks good, but is too much of a 'goody-goody') or a pair of brown leather sandals. Looks really very nice in some areas, but in terms of personality, they are boring, plain, pretty much only follow the path they're directed to follow, and are full of German sock-wearing tourists.

On the roads; I'm thinking more Matt Damon, still looks good, but you get the feeling the wheel is still turning but the hamster's dead.